Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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