you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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