Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
