I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
this is an emotional support booty call
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
