maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
