I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
