that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
