found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
