Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
