You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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