she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
