You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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