What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
