she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
