Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
