What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bring money and cleavage
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
