Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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