Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
