the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
