I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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