I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
