ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
