You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
