I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
