I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
