Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
