Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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