How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
