You smell like stripper and shame
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
