If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
