How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
