If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
