I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's like heaven, but drunker
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
