Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
