Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She told me I should be a condom model.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
