I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
