oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
