dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
