how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My ass is underappreciated
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
