i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
