you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
