Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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