if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
