I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
