Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
