Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
