I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
