We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
