You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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