A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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